I’m always on the go. I have been for years. To schedule to meet me, even a friend, you’d have to do it in advance. It would be rare to have an evening free a week. Id go to work, come home, then go out with friends for drinks, dinner, whatever it was that was booked in. I saw certain friends weekly, some monthly, some every other month. Some id chase to put time in the diary.

Id then schedule to see certain family members weekly on certain days. I even scheduled myself in telephone calls for the ones that were far away. To the point that I realised, I have no time just for myself. Of course, going to see friends and family is a form of self care but it was too much.

Id then be relied on by people, if they didn’t hear from me on a certain day, or saw me weekly it could cause problems or confusion. If I didn’t see family one week they’d then make a comment (not my close family I’m talking extended) “where have you been?”. I was feeling that I was being told off.

Also, I’ve now realised while I was in my abusive relationship I was clearly making as many plans as possible to stay away.

Then covid hit. Covid for me was a slight blessing in disguise. My anxiety was awful, I was so stressed and I just needed a break. This way I didn’t have to see anyone. Don’t get me wrong, certain people would get funny that I was sticking to the rules and didn’t want to meet up, but that’s a them problem. I also stopped travelling for work giving me 4 hours a day back for me. What am I going to do with all this time?!

I started self care. I started reading, I haven’t read since I was at school. From reading I learnt so much about people, life, mental health and abuse. I started having baths. I could meditate in the bath too, I soon realised the bath was my happy place. I cleaned, I love cleaning and I did it anyways but I had more time to do it. I sat and watched tv. I hadn’t sat and watched tv in years. I took time for me. I even started to build my adhoc career which is booming.

I feel a lot better in myself. To be honest, I am so busy now with my career in domestic abuse on top of doing my day to day job in banking. The domestic abuse stuff I do after 9-5 hours where possible. But it’s something I enjoy. I also have time for self care. I even enjoy my own company.

Put yourself first and do what makes you happy. If it doesn’t make anyone else happy, that’s a them problem.