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Alcohol isn’t my friend

Alcohol is great isn’t it? It makes you feel happy, merry as some would say, alive! The effects make you some what of a different person for a little while. A fun person, a happy person, a drunk person. Alcohol isn’t my friend.

I have probably been drinking since I was 15. An average under age time to start when you go to house parties. I remember one time I came home absolutely paralytic, at 16, my parents were fuming. More about the fact that I was so intoxicated, they sat and watched me sleep that night in fear that I would choke on my own sick. You’d think I’d learn from that mistake, you think wrong.

At 21, we went to an event for my birthday. A lot of wine later, I had to go home early because I was so drunk. To my own birthday! How embarrassing. You’d think I’d learn from that mistake, you think wrong.

When I was going through the domestic abuse (when I didn’t realise it was abuse). I made sure to go to the pub weekly to get some space. A couple bottle of wines later and some sick in the toilet I was fine… until the hangover still kicked in. How is that fair? I’ve sicked it all up!

I started realising (and still know to this day) that I use alcohol sometimes as an escape. To feel normal, to bring my anxiety down. It doesn’t help the next day but it helps at the time. Whenever I’m stressed, anxious, had a bad day, I go for a bottle of wine. Like an awful reward, things will get better. No they won’t, you’re going to be hungover and anxious tomorrow.

I even found out that I was intolerant to wine and Prosecco. You’d think that would stop someone? You’d think wrong.

Now as I lie in bed, not remembering how I got here, having hanxiety (hungover anxiety), I think to myself – is this really worth it? But will I learn from my mistake? I doubt it.

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