I’m not going to go into what bulimia actually is. Everyone is different and it effects them differently so I’m not one to put a idea in peoples heads on what I think it is. However, today I’m going to raise awareness on drinking bulimia, yes it is a thing.

I’ve been through a lot of trauma in my life, bad relationships, sexual assault, domestic abuse, rape – you name it, I’ve been through it.

From the age of around 15 I started drinking. It was social and it took away my anxiety. I loved going out to house parties with friends and I always got drunk but not too bad.

When I was 16 a comment was made when a boy sexually assaulted me, it stopped me going out. I then also got cheated on by my boyfriend. I turned to drink and that’s where it started.

Over the years, through everything, I have realised I turn to drink. Now I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t need a drink everyday. But when I’m sad, stressed, anxious I buy a bottle of wine and drink it.

Anyways, from the age of around 18 I started going to pubs and out and about. That’s where it started. When I had drunk too much I felt like I couldn’t breath, my chest was tight and I was uncomfortable. The only way to relieve this was to get up my air bubbles.

Now you are wondering what’s air bubbles? Well basically it’s sticking your fingers down your throat until you get up the air, 99% of the time you are sick. Then after that you feel a sense of relief and carry on drinking.

My friends have always been supportive and there for me through out but I always wondered why I was the only one.

I went to the doctors multiple times and got the following:

1) don’t drink

2) it’s asthma

3) it’s anxiety

4) you can’t handle your drink

5) it’s in your mind

6) you have an intolerance to alcohol

The list would go on and on.

Then finally I was diagnosed with drinking bulimia. It probably has a better name to it then that but it’s easier just calling it that. From years of trauma it’s caused me to have it, a coping mechanism.

Now it’s not ideal but it’s me and I will work on it.

However, yesterday was Christmas. I ate loads of food (rarely but sometimes it happens if I eat too much too), drunk through the day and I went to bed. Did it need to get my “air bubbles up”. No.

And for that, I’m proud.