I think every individual in the world probably regrets one sexual encounter or someone that they’ve dated. You look back and think why did I do that? You want to block it from your memory, pretend it never happened. But it did happen. Sometimes, it makes you who you are today. Let me share what I mean.

My first ever boyfriend, at 16, I was smitten, not in love. I didn’t even know what love was right? Anyways I got told he cheated on me. It doesn’t have to be physical to cheat. Rest to say, I was devastated. Shout out to my mistake.

I then got with one of his friends to get back at him. Do I regret it to this day? Yes. Why? Not only because it’s a bitchy thing to do at 16, but it hurts other people. For years and years I wanted to apologise to this guy. But turns out, he’s still not a nice person. Shout out to my mistake.

My second proper boyfriend, 7 years of abuse. Blinded by abuse. Still to this day financially abuses me. Nothing else to say. Shout out to my mistake.

When I broke up with my abuser I started casually with another guy. It would never be a relationship, I never wanted it to be and neither did he. It only happened for a month if that, quite pointless if I think about it. However, we are still friends. Shout out to my mistake.

Then I introduced myself to the world of tinder, I won’t bore you with the amount of dates I went on. Maybe a blog for another time as honestly, tragic. I met this guy. Lived in London, was a teacher and was from Belfast. I was surrounded by Irish everyday so it felt normal. He cancelled on me last minute. However, a week later I went to see him at last minute because why not. Well it was a mistake. He was an arsehole. He treated me like crap, then blocked me. Then actually tried to chat to me again but didn’t like that I spoke to other guys. Controlling. Shout out to my mistake.

Then I thought Tinder brought me my main match. I met this guy. Prison officer, lived in London. He was nice, I hadn’t experienced niceness or what I thought was nice. Until 7 months down the line he said he didn’t love me and only wanted one thing. Then looking back he was talking to other girls, keeping me a secret and would complain if I didn’t put make up or did my hair nice. Shout out to my mistake.

Tinder wasn’t really working out for me, so I switched it up and moved to bumble. Made by a female. Girl power. Boy was I wrong. I met a guy, another teacher (I should of known) haha jokes. Anyways, I met him a couple of times. He was nice. Then he decided after one thing that he was moving to Dubai. Safe to say, he didn’t. Shout out to my mistake.

Then I met another guy (of course I did). He seemed pleasant, short, but nice. Until I got to know him. I met him, it went well the first time. Second time, he left me waiting 3 hours. He then told me if we got together he wanted me to cheat on him. Shout out to my mistake.

Then I thought, let’s take a break from online dating. It wasn’t going well let’s be honest. I was out on a night out with work and I met this Irish lad. Drink made me not remember much, but he was pleasant. When he went back to Ireland we still spoke as friends. However I found out he was a drug dealer. Shout out to my mistake.

Then back to the online dating scene when I met my third boyfriend. The first boyfriend that actually treated me right. I thought he was my forever. Until one day he came home and told me he didn’t love me anymore, he then changed his mind two days later, then again 5 days later. I knew it weren’t going to happen when I was hospitalised and he didn’t come and make sure I was okay regardless. However, the relationship was good. Shout out to my mistake.

Then I went on a downward spiral, again met a guy on a night out in London, Irish, nice enough lad but likes a drink. Doesn’t help when you use drink as a coping mechanism. i don’t remember from drink. Shout out to my mistake.

I then met up with a guy the same week, we are still friends , not really what I wanted, I was hungover and feeling sorry for myself. Shout out to my mistake.

Then I was raped. In London. Apparently I was asking for it, I wanted it to happen. I don’t remember leaving the club, I don’t remember anything until I left. I reported it to the police, but I didn’t take it further, I couldn’t. Shout out to my mistake.

And finally, I met (well I knew him when I was 14), my boyfriend. No shout out required, he’s the best.

So what does giving you all my embarrassing dating life do for me? Well, it’s out there now. No names mentioned, no names required, just me. Even though there are mistakes, I now raise awareness on domestic abuse, sexual assault and sometimes poor dating. So thank you. Shout out to my mistakes.